What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 09:42
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
How can parents identify and address early signs of racial bias in young children?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was scared of men, in general
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But, we were locked up after school.
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why is Jack Smith arguing that presidents should not have full immunities as Trump is requesting?
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did Donald Trump and Melania Trump sleep in different rooms?
I was 9 years of age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why does my vagina and around my butthole itch? I don't have weird discharge and I'm still a virgin.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So, i spoilt her more .
I was very sick at this time too.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I couldn’t, believe it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i lived it daily.
Ive learnt so much.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We all went to grammer schools
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We were not on the streets..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
She loved him until the end.
So whats the point in blame.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I said to her
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She wouldn,t have been !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It was going to be , some day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He knew the spot.
One cannot live in the past .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Comes on , in middle age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She found it foreign!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it wasn’t much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
What did i know ?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Put me off passion for life!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him